Why Trust Is So Important And Yet Sometimes So Hard

Why Trust is so important and yet sometimes so hard

Trust gives us the ability to be open and vulnerable with someone. It allows us to find courage in a moment, and share a part of ourselves with another person, whether it be something small or something large. For every individual the ease with which they are able to trust differs and what may seem like something simple to one person may be a whole complex issue for another.

"That one conversation that you are too scared to have due to the fear of misplaced trust, could be the one conversation that changes the course of your life"

- Belinda Colubriale

Trusting with Ease Versus Not Trusting Through Fear

Some people find it easy to trust in others.  They find it easy to be open and to trust in what others say and what others do.  These individuals find it easier to take things on face value.

For others trusting does not come naturally.  Unconsciously they may watch behaviours and actions of others before deciding if they will ever do things such as go on a date with them, socialise with them, work with them or even speak about certain experiences they have encountered throughout their lives.

These individuals usually have a reason for their lack of trust.  It usually stems from an issue arising from their past and the fear they have in believing that just like their trust was misplaced in the past, it will be misplaced again in their future, so they use a layer of self protection to remove this potential pain.

Instead of trusting, they may find it easier to retreat, become withdrawn, to pull back and to avoid commitment.  Some may even prefer to be by themselves during times of difficulty, immersed in their own thoughts and feeling and with the knowledge that if they let no one in, no one can judge them and no one can let them down. They may not yet be aware that the fear of never trusting can in fact be worse and more isolating than the peace found in being able to trust.

They may feel that by trusting others then it will only be a matter of time before inevitably a betrayal will occur.  To them, they see this as the obvious next step.  They are wary of others, and so even the smallest of mistakes, actions or even inactions may appear to be a much bigger deal that what they actually are.

When Trust is Tested

When people argue or someone is left disappointed in a certain situation, the trust is tested.  Those with issues of trust will often wait and see what happens next.  They will wait to see in what direction the relationship will shift. If we look at trust like a see saw, you are both sitting on opposite ends, one person tells the other something, then a moment always comes in relationships when the questions is asked of whether or not there is trust there.  Does their side of the see saw rise and hold its position on the trust that has been shared, or, over time will it fall and misplace this trust?

Trying to Trust Moving Forward

If you open up to someone and you feel that they have let you down, instead of going into autopilot mode and being reactive or shutting down, maybe instead its more worthwhile to take a moment to reflect on the situation as an outsider.  What has this situation taught you and how moving forward could you change it? Maybe the issue is not what you are sharing, but rather who you have chosen to share this information with.

Try not to let your own internal issues of trust hinder you from the amazing relationships and opportunities that could become part of your future. In trying to be more courageous and more vulnerable we can start to open the gateway for not only more self- trust, but it also allows us the opportunity to begin to step into our more authentic self and speak more freely. And, if during these moments we say something that feels uncomfortable, uncertain or even something you come to regret, have faith in knowing that if the trust is there you will work through it.

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